Grieving the “Lost”

 A Unique Grief

I was talking to a friend of mine recently and I discovered she is grieving the loss of her daughter. What is unique about her grief is that her daughter is still alive. Because of poor choices, her beloved child has taken a path in life that has left her estranged from her family and two young children. Her daughter is not in her life anymore; she is “lost”. The effects of her destructive lifestyle have been devastating to those who love her. With no contact with her daughter whatsoever, my friend is raising her grandchildren without the love and support of their mother. The grief of losing her daughter is compounded by the unanswered questions and uncertainty of her safety. She also suffers for the pain and confusion inflicted upon her grandchildren.

 

Working Through the Grief

A person does not have to be dead for someone to grieve for him or her. This kind of grief is real and very powerful. It can be complicated, hard to discuss and can be even more difficult to resolve. There is no closure. However, there is hope, there’s always hope. I encourage my friend, and others in this situation, to first realize the pain felt is validated. Then try to work through the grief to a point that life can still be enjoyed. It helps to count your blessings; write a gratitude list and concentrate on the positive. Shift your energy from the grief and worry to the optimistic and promising. Release the negative and destructive emotions such as anger, blame, guilt, and regret. Be encouraged by reading and applying the words of the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Engage in Life

Even though you are grieving, make a conscious effort to interact in the world around you. Join into life with abundance while participating in activities and spending quality time with loved ones. Never feel guilty in the enjoyment of your blessings. Your heart may still hurt, but the more you positively engage into the world around you, the less consuming worry and pain will be.

 

Pray

Lastly, pray for your “lost” loved one; pray her heart return to her family and God.