Grief of Caregivers

Caregiving on the Rise

The number of caregivers in the United States is substantially growing each year. According to the American Academy of Geriatric Psychiatrists, one out of every four American families cares for someone over the age of 50; and this number is only expected to rise. These caregivers are an exceptional group of people that sacrifice their time, energy and freedom to care for a loved one. However, this sacrifice is not without consequence. Caregiving is an honorable position however; it can be taxing on the physical and emotional health of the caregiver. Many caregivers feel the pressure of the increased, and sometimes constant, responsibility of another person’s well-being. Some become exhausted and suffer symptoms similar to post traumatic stress syndrome. A condition called Caregiver Stress Syndrome is now on the rise.

 

Unique Grief

Caregivers can experience a unique grief because of the stress of their responsibilities and the loss of their former life and even the former life of the person they are caring for. It’s not always easy to talk about. The caregiver could be feeling this grief without even realizing it, or be totally aware of the grief and simply ignore it. Sometimes this kind of grief is disregarded because the griever feels it isn’t appropriate or validated. Let me assure all caregivers (or actually anyone) – if the situation is causing you pain, it needs to be dealt with and it deserves your attention. Unresolved grief of any kind, can and will cause problems for you in the future.

 

Don’t Neglect Grief

There are so many reasons for neglected grief in any person’s life but if you add the concerns and grief of a caregiver, the result could be overwhelming. Stress and grief manifests its’ symptoms physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and/or spiritually. Therefore, it’s in the best interest of the caregiver to address all situations promptly and thoroughly as they arise. As a caregiver, you must recognize and name your losses, especially the ones you have experienced since being in the role of caregiver. Be honest and you may be surprised at the things that end up on your list; but don’t feel guilty about your grief. If the loss your feeling is significant to you, it is important.

 

Grieving the Losses

You may grief the way things “used to be” with the person you are caring for. Their abilities have changed and maybe even their disposition or personality has too. Perhaps even the relationship between the two of you is different now. You may grieve the loss of your former life, your freedom, or who you used to be. Chances are, your life has changed since becoming a caregiver and some of those changes could be drastic. You may be grieving the past and the way things were before. Maybe you are upset about your future plans that will be postponed or altered. You may feel you are not the same, that you’ve lost your identity. Being a caregiver doesn’t mean you have to give yourself totally away and “caregiver” is not your only title. Don’t forget you are a son or daughter, maybe a parent, friend of Jesus, teacher, artist, hard worker or child at heart; you fill in the blank. “Caregiver” is an awesome title but it does not define you; explore who you are.

 

Be the Best

Step back, take a deep breath and reevaluate yourself and your situation. Decide what you can handle and what you need help with from either other family members or the healthcare community. See if changes need to be made. Are you getting enough breaks and time alone? Don’t be afraid to call on your support system to talk about the issues and for help in caregiving when needed. While trying to fulfill the needs of someone else, sometimes the needs of the caregiver are neglected. You must take care of yourself before you can take care of others so make sure there is “me” time in your schedule, whether in large or small quantities. You may need a small amount of time to soak in the tub or take a nap. Maybe you need more time for an afternoon to shop, relax at the spa, go to a doctor’s appointment or attend a church service. Periodically you may need longer time away to take a vacation or visit out-of-town friends/family. Don’t be discouraged, there are ways to adjust and accept the new life as a caregiver. There are so many rewards to being a caregiver. However you need to work through any neglected grief, take care of yourself regularly and don’t take on more than you are able to comfortably handle. Your health and total well-being is important and depends on limitations. When you are strong and content is when you will be the best caregiver you can be.