When Grief Shows Up in Happy Times

Unavoidable Circumstances

My oldest daughter was married this past weekend in a picture perfect ceremony followed by a fun-filled reception. It was the wedding of her dreams, the happiest day of her life. However, in the midst of a perfect fairytale wedding, there were moments of grief. She had been so proud planning to dance with both of her dads on her wedding day; she was blessed double with two amazing dads. Unfortunately, a violent and unexpected virus kept her father from attending the reception. I watched helplessly as both of their hearts were broken because he could not stay at his daughter’s wedding and they would not share their much-anticipated Father/Daughter dance. They both grieved for a moment that would never happen. Grief will sometimes try to remain and ruin the wonderful memories that are currently being made. However, grief cannot keep you from your happiness if you make the decision to move forward out of the place of despair and join in the current activities. Through my daughter’s tears, a choice had to be made. In a moment she had to decide to stay in grief or continue on with the celebration; she chose to celebrate.

Grief Revisited

Later in the reception, the maid of honor (the bride’s cousin) gave a speech of how the bride and groom became a couple. The night the girls’ grandfather died was the event that brought this couple closer together; creating a bond that would last forever. In that instant of her speech, my heart painfully grieved for my dad. I, along with my mother, brother, the grandkids and all the family and friends who knew “The Lizard”, missed him so greatly in that moment. We all knew he would have been so proud and of course, would have been the life of the party! Before I realized, my tears of grief hit the table on one of the happiest days of my life. In spite of this, as the maid of honor toasted the newlyweds the crowd once again turned to celebration and so did I. The joy of the occasion replaced the sorrow because we allowed it to.

Let Joy Exceed Sorrow

I believe life is meant to be lived with an overall sense of peace and happiness with spurts of grief and despair, not the other way around. Don’t allow the pain to continue to take precedence over joy. There will be painful events and sorrowful times in your life but it is important to find your way back to the place of peace and contentment. This doesn’t mean we don’t miss or remember our loved ones who are gone; it just means we will not be consumed with grief to the point of missing out on the present. Grief has a way of showing up in the happiest times of our lives. It is the uninvited guest to many happy occasions, birthday parties, holiday celebrations, and even weddings. It doesn’t take away from the joy of the event because our loved ones aren’t with us to celebrate, it just would have been even better with them there.