Before Grief, There is Reaction to Loss

Reacting to Loss

Everyone is different; we’re all aware of that. Everyone deals with situations in a personal and unique way. We should especially be aware that each person reacts to loss in his or her own individual way. There’s no “correct” response to the experiences that cause grief and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. Reactions to loss sometimes cannot be predicted. A person may respond totally different than anticipated. When my dad died, I knew he was going to die and we talked about it; I was even with him when he died. However, when I saw him at the funeral home, lying in the casket for the first time, I reacted completely different than anyone expected. In that initial moment I became a child and was no longer a grown woman in her 40’s. I stomped my feet and cried out “NO, NO, NO…I want my daddy back!” Expect the unexpected; I never saw that reaction coming.

Diversified Reactions

There are initial reactions to loss such as shock and disbelief. As the realization of the incident occurs, the feelings and reactions become even more complicated. Many times physical symptoms appear as well as mental and emotional responses. Think about some of the reactions you have had to loss and the feelings you felt. Below is a list of possible feelings and reactions you may have experienced. See which ones you can relate to, maybe you have had some that aren’t even listed.

• Distressed
• Compassion
• Isolation/Alone
• Lost
• Headache
• Out of Control
• Confused
• Regret
• Doubtful
• Hateful
• Insecure
• Anxious/Worried
• Achy Joints/Sore Body
• Inability to Concentrate
• Unimportant
• Guilt
• Apathy/Don’t Care
• Panic
• Change in Appetite
• Angry
• Sleeping Problems
• Devastation
• Weakness/Lethargy
• Sad
• Overwhelmed
• Relieved
• Shock
• Fear
• Crying
• Disbelief
• Numbness
• Stomachache
• Rejection
• Tension
• Heartache
• Helpless
• Depressed
• Hurt
• Restlessness
• Powerless
• Guilt

Working Through the Reactions

Once you have recognized and identified the reactions to your losses, you can begin working through these by-products of grief. As you continue to deal with your grief, you will see the list of reactions begin to diminish. This is not a checklist of symptoms and emotions to be crossed out one by one. You may feel a particular reaction is gone only to see it come up again later. That’s OK, as long as you can keep progressing. It may help you to keep your thoughts and feelings in a journal, talk to God about it or talk to someone in your support system. Remember the way you feel initially after loss is not permanent if you continue to move forward.